Column Three: Put your expectations aside and let them lead

Last week, I decided no shelve the column that I had begun.  I guess that is the beauty of a column, the deadline is yours to impose.  I hope that this one resonates with those who have kids heading to school.

Put your expectations aside and let them lead


I can remember my first day of kindergarten vividly. The classroom was enormous and on the first day, the dramatic play area located toward the back was bustling with new classmates and activity.  Because I loved to cook in my pretend kitchen at home, I settled in at a burner with a spatula in hand hoping a new friend would miraculously appear.  Thankfully for me, a girl approached. Names were not exchanged, at least not before the important question was asked.  “Do you want to be friends?” she said.  “Yes!” I said and that was that.  The first chapter in our adventure story was in development.  We are still friends today.

Last year when my daughter started kindergarten, our house was full of the same anticipation.  Because her birthday was in September, she began school a year later than her preschool friends and was excited to experience for herself what she had been told.  While I was also excited, I have to admit that I was a bit anxious.  Would my daughter make a friend on the first day?  If she didn’t, would it turn that excitement into anxiety?

It was nice to be able to visit the classroom prior to the first day to acquaint the kids with each other and their new routines.  I enjoyed meeting other parents and finding out that I was not the only one who hoped that their child left feeling comfortable and ready to begin the next day.  I tried to keep one eye on her as she did her best to meet new kids.  I found my spirit lifting when she spent more than a minute chatting with a new person and falling a bit when the exchange ended sooner that I felt a meaningful connection could be established.  The time passed quickly and soon it was time to leave.  She and I left with another mother and child and that is when it all came together.

Walking to our cars, while the adults were chatting, I began to notice that our kids were doing what kids naturally do, no pretenses just two girls who began to notice that they both were wearing the same earrings, loved jumping off the brick wall and singing silly songs.  Right before my eyes, I watched my daughter find her very first friend and it had such an effect on me that I called my friend, Jenny, to tell her.

The weeks following the first day of school were full of exciting developments: genuine affection for her teacher, for the new things she was learning and many new friendships. I feel so fortunate to say that she had a wonderful year.  September brings so many new opportunities no matter what grade your child is entering.  What I learned from last year is to let go of my expectations and just let her lead the way.